While reading this excellent article on the history of Fells Point, it struck me that I’ve been having a recurring dream. One that I believe has been going on for many years. It’s not always the same, but the basics are this: Homicide: Life on the Street never ended. It continued on after 2000…
With a whole new cast.
In these dreams, I’m invited back to Baltimore to shoot a couple of episodes with Andre. They want to integrate the old guys with the new, to bring back some of the magic.
It’s always a poorly lit dream; dim Chinese lanterns light the way. To make the visibility worse: they are always at night.
It begins with me, alone and on foot, dream-dropped somewhere on the outskirts of Fells Point. I must find my way to The Pier, check in with production, get my script, and get fitted for my detective duds. I’m walking the cobblestone and formstone alleyways - but I’m lost. Everything looks the same, yet nothing looks familiar. I can smell bread baking from the H&S Bakery, mixed with the faint scent of seawater. Down an alley, I see the Waterfront far away, and I begin the long walk towards it.
I’d often walked these streets alone when I lived and worked there, and for whatever reason, I tended to grow anxious the longer I walked.
That anxiety permeates these dreams.
As I get closer to the waterfront, I’m looking for a Roller Coaster - which never existed in Fells Point. If I see this Roller Coaster I’ll know I’m close, someone will find me and take me the rest of the way. When they do, it’s always an overworked PA who doesn’t seem to know me. To them, I’m just a guest star coming on board. No one knows me. The entire production staff and crew has changed and I look everywhere for Bebe, Pickles, Jeff, Jean, Rodney, Ron, Tom, Yosh, Bicycle Bruce, Finnerty, Frank Ferro, Josh, Joe, and Ivan…but I recognize no one.
The script they hand me is not well-written, in fact, there is no discernible writing. The words come and go, different every time I look down. How the hell does this show have these high ratings with these kinds of scripts!? Also, the team of detectives are all young and pretty and in fantastic shape - better looking, and more form-fitting than any Homicide cast member in our 7 seasons. They do their own stunts, run down bad guys, have MMA-style battles, and, yes, indulge in a lot of car chases.
But, I know this: without a doubt, Andre will be here soon. Then, it will all change. We’ll show them how it’s done - being murder police, doing God's work - and that’ll make coming back here worth it.
There is another small problem to tackle. It’s actually quite substantial: I’ve been told I have huge monologues, Pembleton-esque size monologues. Loads of them. There’s a passenger train involved, interrogations, spiritual contemplations, and page after empty page of monologues.
While Frank stays silent.
I’m so messed up about what’s happening here. The dynamics are upside down. Whoever the writers are, they don’t understand our chemistry, or why it worked the way it did. I can't stand monologues and am more comfortable with reacting and partner-banter. Andres is the one who loves the monologues! But no. They want to give the big stuff to me. I’ll try my best, but it feels very wrong.
Adding to this dilemma is the anxiety-provoking Actors Nightmare of not knowing my lines. But how could I? The script is ever-changing; any lines are constantly melting away and becoming globs of word-stuff that don’t seem to stick around long.
I’m less enamored about returning to my old haunt.
When Andre finally arrives, he’s already in his Pembleton gear. It’s as though there was no adjustment needed, that he has continued as Pembleton in this quantum echo. He and I easily pick up where we left off as it becomes clear that we’ve been investigating the same crime for decades.
We walk to the set, which is miles away. With no vans or cars to drive us, we walk everywhere; all over Fells Point, downtown Baltimore, and some very nasty neighborhoods. Every scene begins the same way; Andre and I show up, I feel confident, ‘action’ is called, and then…we improvise. Sort of.
Nothing comes out of my mouth even though I’m trying. The sense is that I have plenty to say and it’s getting plugged up somewhere before it can emerge. Andre smiles that smile and nods along with the gobblygook. The script supervisor approaches me with corrections after each take. I understand what I need to say (I don’t), but I wonder why Andre can’t take some of these ‘non-existent’ lines.
But, he can’t. Why, I wonder?
I’m told by the dream show-runner, that production has bigger plans for him in future episodes. He will be staying, and I will be moving on.
Oh.
That seems odd. I thought the experience had been frustrating and unsatisfying. We hadn't accomplished what I thought we set out to.
Did I miss something? Maybe. With Andre on board, perhaps he can sort it all out.
Usually, by the end, Andre and I go our separate ways. He turns one way and I begin my descent back into Fells Point, back to The Wharf, back to the ghosts, back to the show that isn’t what I signed up for, and the Roller Coaster ride that tempts me with its swirling lights to climb aboard.
Tomorrow will be better. I know that, we just had to get that first day under our belts. By tomorrow - we’ll nail it.
Then. I wake up.
Wow. What a beautiful piece of writing. After my mother passed away, she was often in my dreams, but just there, not saying anything, which was not like her. It turned out one of my sisters was having similar dreams, where Mother was just there, not saying anything. I got the sense that she was letting us know she was still keeping an eye on things, but not able to be involved in what was going on in our lives.
Wow.
Your dream makes so much sense to me, from a viewer's perspective. In part, it seems to be about the network pressures to jazz up the show with action, supposedly "hot" hunks, etc. To the point where the show becomes unrecognizable. Also it's an actor's dream, which only you can understand/interpret.
Maybe the dream is in part about the character Bayliss and where the show stranded him. When I saw your post was about dreams, I thought, huh, I just had a dream about "Homicide" the other night/morning. At the risk of seeming like a crazy woman, I'll recount it. The dream involved other characters, but the last bit, the only thing I remembered, was about Bayliss. He was wandering the city as darkness closed in after dusk, trying to find his way. Surrounded by decrepit brick buildings, walking down alleys, it was a place he knew but had become unfamiliar. As I awoke, he was lost in the darkness, trying to get back, trying to get somewhere. The dream was triggered, I'm sure, by my having watched the Season 7 episode where Bayliss is "outed" by his website, a fellow officer he's been seeing, and his colleagues. It's such a bleak and painful episode, and I know worse is coming for the poor guy.
Why did I dream about a fictional character in a show that ended 24 years ago? Sure, I'm currently immersed in going through the DVDs episode by episode. But it's really a testament to the staying power of "Homicide." In its authenticity, most of these characters felt real. Viewers cared about them. We still do, I'm sure. It's a testament to everything about the show as it originated, including your performance.