Reason #1: I want to remember.
(AND it’s pretty satisfying) (AND enjoyable).
Have I answered this question before?
Maybe. But, here’s angle.
A few of our mighty group had passed on. Jon, Yaphet, and Ned. With Richard in early 2023, I suddenly felt a pang of disassociation. I wasn’t able to make it out for his memorial and that felt odd. Then, Andre, in December of 2023. It rocked me. He died so young.
Also, with Andre, the memories of where the love and mutual respect had begun - seemed to have disappeared into this general murk, of “Yeah, those Homicide years.”
I wanted to unearth those memories, but it took me months to figure out how. If this had been a breezy comedy, like Parks and Recreation, it might have been easier, or I might have had a lighter touch with it all. But, it wasn’t. It was Homicide: Life on the Street. The journey is a bit rougher and you who are reading this, seemingly, are up for the ride.
There was a resistance towards what I might find: what Andre meant to me, what the show, the cast and crew, and the audience, meant to me. I knew it wasn’t going to be all sweet and fluffy but, yet despite the fits and starts, there was a yearning to be reminded of the images, the people, the places, the events, and why I wanted to forget in the first place.
So. I signed up. I was fully onboard - it would be a psychological and emotional experiment. I wanted as much of the whole story as I could get. Not necessarily answers, but I wanted to see it all as clearly as possible, and also to find a way to write about it in a truthful and compelling way.
I got way more than I ever imagined. Aside from recovering memories and recurring dreams, I reconnected with people I hadn’t spoken to in years. The good feelings far outweighed any of the traumatic stuff. The in-depth stories from readers, the shows audience, and newbies have made a real difference, in terms of understanding its impact and what it meant to you all.
What I couldn’t have known was how complicated writing about this would be. If you’ve stuck with these stories and Zoom interviews, I think we can all agree our group was…complex? We were in Baltimore, out of the mainstream, it was the 90s, and no one ratted anyone out about anything. We had cast members with mental issues, addictions, and anger issues. However, we also had people who met and formed lifelong friendships, a few who got married, and some who got divorced. We even had a bad cop or two hanging around offering up a rash of bad options. But if it didn’t happen out in the open, because of our group’s unspoken agreement, you were just never going to know about it.
I felt I could write about all this now because I was a problem child back then. So, what the heck, I’d throw myself under the bus first and be an equal-opportunity narrator of the darkness. But, the more I wrote, and talked to others, the more stories continued to pour in.
The question was, how many do I actually tell?
I’ve tried to walk a fine line. I wanted to celebrate the brilliance of Homicide and the brilliance of the actors while also giving a nod to how difficult not only we were, but how challenging the entire Baltimore inferno was.
Dancing that symbiotic tango opened up some freedom for me: the opportunity to reconcile our ground-breaking, talent-laden show with the chaos and dysfunction happening behind the scenes. At times it felt like the equivalent of what the artist Van Gough must have gone through: cutting off his ear, then painting his Self-Portrait With Bandage which declared his determination to go forward and create under any circumstances (Sidebar: supposedly VG cut it off following a fight with another artist, then gave the ear to a prostitute that he knew). I don’t say this as an excuse, or that the bad behavior should be overlooked. But, it was nearly 30 years ago and I’m good with looking at it now with a little more compassion.
Many careers took off from Homicide, and continue to this day. Some were damaged, yet many people got better as the show went along - or sought out help afterward. It was a high watermark for some and a blip on their career map for others.
For me, I loped my ear off, stitched it back on, and continued forward - trying my best to forget, until I couldn’t.
I also wanted to write about the people who struggled to keep our show on the air AND change the set culture. Creator and head writer, Tom Fontana, knew how special the chemistry was with the cast; he needed to keep that intact, keep everyone alive, and put out fires every week. Then there was Jim Finnerty, old-school unit production manager, boots on the ground and gun in his desk. He managed the day-to-day like Wyatt Earp in Tombstone, staring down anything that came his way. As the years went on issues worked themselves out, and those cast and crew members that needed to be shed were shed - probably for their good and the good of the show.
But Tom was our secret sauce. He stood between us and oblivion, trying his damnedest to corral all these creatives, balancing a bunch of spinning plates, and keeping the beasts from knocking the whole thing down.
A quick story that illustrates how Tom handled these crazy events with both fairness and intelligence. One day Jeffrey Pratt Gordon, of our amazing prop team, said hello to Yaphet Kotto’s assistant. A couple of hours later, Yaphet stormed into the squad room grabbed Jeff by his jacket lapels, and lifted him off the ground, screaming and cursing that he’d better not talk to her ever again. Danny Baldwin grabbed Yaphet and was able to pull him away, leaving Jeff frightened and confused. He had done nothing wrong but was certain he would lose his job. Tom was up in New York, he got the call about the incident and immediately got on a train. A few hours later, after he’d arrived at the squad room, he went to Jeff and asked what had happened. After Tom heard his side of the story, he found Yaphet and took him into Giardellos office on the set. Those walls are thin and have ears. With the prop department listening outside, Tom tore into Yaphet - telling him if he ever did anything like that again, he’d fire him in a heartbeat.
It made a huge impact on Jeff, that the series creator would side with him over the ‘star’ of a series.
There are more stories like that, some will be told, and others not. My purpose in disseminating all the crazy, weird, and wonderful stuff was to get a better perspective on that experience. And with that, be able in turn to say to everyone who’s reading these, “Here’s me, or here’s this other actor, during the Homicide years; you can view us full on, in our more complete humanness, with this new information - or not. It’s up to you.”
I hope you keep reading and listening in. Cheers!
I wonder if this was the article you said "sucked" and that your "editor" would help you with. If so, the suck certainly left the building. As Jo said, you are a wonderful writer. It's tempting to imagine what an HLOTS script penned by you would have read like-- probably would have been quirky, funny, visceral, and extraordinary. Fortunately, we have these little gifts to enjoy. About that undoubtedly extremely upsetting incident with Jeff, and what happened afterwards, I shared some of my thoughts with him about it, as someone thoroughly uninvolved and very much on the outside, which he was so warmly open to receiving. What a kind person. Anyway; I'm so glad you want to remember.
I think it's lovely how you keep the cast alive and right here with us in 2024 by sharing your memories of everyone, especially those in the cast no longer with us. It makes the streaming announcement that much more exciting - even those of is who have watched the show can do so now with new eyes. Speaking of the cast, even though it's smaller than it was, I hope you all will get together before or after Homicide drops on streaming for a panel interview or just for something fun.
I hope it's cathartic as well. I can imagine it's hard, especially remembering Andre - lost too soon and so recently. That said, I think he would have loved all of it - your SubStack, former cast members collaborating and remembering, the Homicide pod, the show finally coming to streaming, all of it! You are a wonderful writer who is so kind to share no book about the show thus far can: what is was really like, on set and off. I still hold out hope you'll write a book about the show, the cast, etc. I'd read it (and gift it!) in a heartbeat!