Caffeinated Buddha: Where O Where?
Fellas gotta eat. Meditate. Watch soccer.
After the last article, my inbox and chats were full of comments (at least seven). Questions about where to meditate, how to meditate, and what forms of meditation to try.
First, let’s tackle the where question.
Cute Story:
A lowly monk who hadn’t gotten anywhere in his striving, missed his family, and had no TV to watch the World Cup, decided to leave his lonely temple full of other devoted, soccer-deprived monks.
The guy needed a vacay.
He made a peanut butter and radish sandwich and got the f*** out of Dodge.
He’d been walking a long time. Maybe 2 or 3 hours.
But, since monks are notoriously slow walkers, he’s only a mile away from the temple. He’s famished.
He sees a rock to rest on. It’s in the middle of this forest.
He actually hates forests: bugs, creatures of ill-repute, all that silence.
Nevertheless, he sits, unwraps the sandwich, bites down through the stale bread, the Expired In 4/24 peanut butter, and the much maligned radishes.
And ka-pow.
Mind and body fall away.
Everything collapses.
Next thing he knows, he’s back at the temple.
All of the focused, soft-speaking, hard-working monks can tell their ner-do-well bro is different. And they work themselves into a lather of interest.
They all wanted to know:
Which rock and what kind of sandwich?
Ain’t it like that, tho?
We assume that this, right here, isn’t it.
It can’t be it.
It has to be something special or, at least, something I’m not doing.
Or, maybe I’m side-eying your rock.
Caffeinated Buddha sits every damn place.
He might create a dedicated spot in a quiet part of his home:
with an altar, an icon, and some cheap soundproofing via Amazon.
Even incense.
He’s done it before.
But where he’s at now? Lordy, it’s more casual.
Dogs are everywhere, one inside (always licking himself), many without.
Lawn blowers. Planes taking off and landing. Bugs and lizards everywhere.
And he rarely sits cross-legged anymore.
He just plops down in a chair, or on a swing, scrolls a little, drinks his coffee, and sets the timer.
Sometimes, he even bows.
This is awful. Awful to admit this.
It sounds super lazy.
And in the middle of it, if the licking gets to be too much,
I’ll firmly say “Stop”….
to our deaf dog.
What kind of meditation? Let’s tackle that.
Since I’m using my Buddhist voice and not my Radical Non-dual voice, we’ll proceed as if meditation exists.
Ok?
The right kind of meditation is any kind that speaks to you.
Who am I to tell you what to do?
Some of us want silence.
Some want instructions.
Some want God involved.
Some definitely do not want God involved.
Some want a room full of people.
Some want to be left alone and click on an app.
Sometimes we have a comfort zone.
Usually based on our upbringing or our current life conditions.
Sometimes, it may feel impossible to meditate.
And, it may be.
We get pretty creative with the reasons we can’t do something.
Another cute story:
Years ago (during Homicide), I wanted to quit smoking. I actually had someone help me.
He asked a question: Was there any place I couldn’t smoke?
I answered, “In an airplane.”
To which he replied, " You’re not supposed to smoke on a plane—laws, getting arrested—but you absolutely could smoke on one.”
He knocked down my answers one by one, until we came to underwater.
That was a good one.
Meditation itself is a movable feast.
Turns out, it travels pretty well.
The causes and conditions needed are almost nil.
It’s just you (apparently).
Your breath, your nervous system, your mind.
And maybe the intention to sit there for a minute.
Do you need to meditate? No.
Does it tend to put you more ‘up against it’?
(Whatever it is)
In my experience?
Kinda, yeah.
Does it change you?
Unanswerable.
But I’ve mostly stopped looking for someone else’s rock.
P.S Just in time to combine World Cup obsession with Tibetan Buddhism, here’s the preview of the 1999 film The Cup. It was the directorial debut of Khyentse Norbu, an actual Tibetan Lama.
You can view it on Apple TV or Prime.
I’ve made various attempts at seated meditation at different points in my life, with varying success. I find walking is the best meditation for me. I walked the 500 miles of the Camino de Santiago last October by myself and found it very meditative — walking between 13-24 miles in a day, taking in my surroundings, I barely remember actively *thinking* about anything when I was simply moving along, trying to get to my resting place for the night. Not planning what to cook for dinner or what I’d wear the next day or fretting about if I should take the dog to the vet… My brain tends to get stuck in circles, and in meditation that can come in handy.
You can meditate just about anywhere. It's easy to create a space to go to in your home outside wherever. Some people just like to listen to music and chill out and that's their meditation and that's fine. Other people fine tune it and that's fine too.